Thursday, May 31, 2007

MSCU Review: "Tristan + Isolde"

Tristan: "There is a burning in me I feel on fire, and there's guilt I can't comidify. Does it make you happy to know that?"

Now I could literally sit here and nitpick this movie all day; to say that it's flawed is an understatement near the size of the Carolingian Empire (a little Medieval humour there for you). But, for the life of me, I cannot bring myself to loathe this movie. The movie succeeds at being thoroughly mediocre.

My single biggest complaint with the movie is that it's completely lifeless. The quote and image I've posted are exemplary of just how wooden the whole movie feels. Both the dialogue and the main leads (James Franco and Sophia Myles) are lifeless at best and boring at worst. Franco brings the act of pouting to new and unexciting heights, while Myles manages the stunning task of being both pretty and boring.

The movie's tag-line reads: Before Romeo & Juliet, there was... Tristan + Isolde (as an aside, notice how the title shameless emulates Baz Luhrmann's far superior Romeo + Juliet). This film desperately touts itself as an epic of love, yet the main leads have no romantic chemistry. Their sex scenes show little to no passion, making a Dr Haskett class seem more racy by comparison. At one point in their initial love scene Franco asks Myles how she feels, she responds with "I don't know." Honestly she wasn't the only one, I couldn't tell if she was actually enjoying herself or mentally conjugating Latin verbs. Outside of sexual trysts the two great lovers have very little interaction causing one to wonder why they are even attracted to each other. In other words, their 'epic' love seems as shallow and vapid as the two actors appear.

And to top it all off the history of the movie is laughable. While I fully admit that I've not read the original Tristan and Isolde in its entirety, this movie shows little regard for any historical accuracy. Historical realism has never been a major draw for me (I love A Knight's Tale for heaven's sake), but this movie seems like one Medieval cliche after another. It begins with captions ominously announcing the "dark ages." At this point it felt more like a Monty Python movie than anything else.
At the end of the day, Tristan + Isolde does a great many things poorly yet it never manages to spiral completely into the gyre of horridness. Had the main leads had even a spark of chemistry the movie may had been saved from mediocrity, but alas, it was not so. While I cannot recommend this movie, I cannot say that it should be avoided completely. It's certainly very pretty to look at; that has to be worth something... right?

MSCU Rating: C

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